I have always kept a journal for me to jot down any thoughts crossing my mind at any given time. No, not that kind of artsy-pinterest-worthy journal which I used to keep anymore. This one is more like a medium for me to just write anything that I want. I find this really helpful to re-organize my thoughts into words, especially at times when my mind gets so busy, thinking about a lot of things simultaneously–if that’s even a correct term to describe it.

It helps to remind me that my past self has probably dealt with the same confusion that I currently have–and I actually had written the answer to that in the journal. It also works as a reminder that there are times when I could not think clearly enough and so I started writing gibberish stuff in there–which allows me to have a good laugh reading it all over again later on when I’m in a healthier state of mind.

In the first page of this journal, I wrote:

Write, so you never forget.

And it is that very page which triggered me to write this post. There is this piece of 2-pages-long writing from a while ago about this leap of faith that I thankfully have went through. And I would like to keep it here so it becomes a digital mark that can be more permanent, as a reminder for my future self, and for those who randomly stumbled upon this blog. Itung-itung nabung pahala ☺

The piece of writing that I’m going to share with you is written mostly in Bahasa, and I’m gonna copy–paste it as is, with exactly the same redaction, to maintain its “originality”. Please pardon if the sentences / paragraphs are not really coherent.

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Tiba-tiba jadi pengen nulis perjalanan spiritualku.
Dulu aku orang dengan spiritual yang sangat-sangat labil (sampai sekarang kadang masih kambuh sih..). Makin kesini makin dilatih sama Allah untuk lebih bisa berdamai sama diri sendiri, dan lebih yakin sama ketetapan-Nya. Walaupun jalannya gak mulus dan aku sering lupa, alhamdulillah sekarang sudah jauh lebih stabil dan lebih bisa mengontrol spiritual diri.

Mulai dari dikasih cobaan bertubi-tubi, sampai dikasih hidayah untuk lebih sering denger kajian (walaupun online hiks), sampai diingetin untuk belajar lebih memaknai ibadah sehari-hari, sampai dikasih kesempatan jadi tamu Allah untuk melaksanakan ibadah Umroh.

Rasanya sekarang sudah lebih bisa menguasai diri. Dan kuncinya cuman tiga: sabar, syukur, dan tawakkal sama Allah. Ilmu yang terdengar sederhana tapi praktiknya sulit bukan main. Semoga niatnya selalu dilurusin dan hubungan sama Allah terjaga ya. Aamiin..

2019 ini benar-benar leap of faith. Tahun aku rasanya bener-bener ganti mindset. Terutama tentang ketuhanan dan tujuan penciptaan manusia. Dan Umroh bener-bener membuka mataku tentang itu semua. Well, Allah yang membukanya, melalui perjalanan Umroh.

Alhasil, aku jadi re-calibrate hidup aku. Karena aku jadi merasa punya tujuan yang lebih jelas. Gak lagi beda-bedain mana yang buat dunia dan akhirat. Tapi semuanya diniatin untuk nabung bekal buat di akhirat.

I mean.. kita hidup maksimal paling berapa tahun sih? 70 tahun? 70 tahunnya dimaksimalkan agar hidup kekal di akhirat dengan bahagia gak?
Nabi Muhammad SAW dalam 23 tahun kenabiannya, has accomplished sooo much. Berkat usaha beliau di 23 tahun itu, islam bisa sampai ke aku sekarang.

So, yakin mau buang-buang waktu? Berapa % waktu kamu yang diniatkan untuk sebanyak-banyaknya mendapat ridho Allah?

Ketika udah punya purpose yang jelas (mencari ridho Allah, agar hidup bahagia di akhirat), rasanya memilah-milah hal yang perlu dipikirkan dan dilakukan jadi jauh lebih gampang. Dan karena itu juga, I started seeing maany things as petty, alias gak penting. Like, ga ada faedahnya atau ngaruhnya terhadap aku di mata Allah gitu loh?

Ambisi-ambisi pun jadi ke-filter mana ambisi yang kalau ditarik underlying reason nya pure karena nafsu / hasrat keduniawian doang, mana yang beneran penting.

Dan hasilnya jadi ringan banget ini hidup...hahaha. Karena so far ternyata yang banyak menyita pikiranku itu hal-hal yang gak penting-penting amat buat dipikirkan / dikhawatirkan.

Dan...
Ketika ketemu orang dengan pandangan / prinsip serupa datang ke hidup aku dan ngajak buat hidup bersama, rasanya juga langsung...sreg 🙂 Gak perlu mikir belibet, semua jadi terlihat simpel.

Bismillah, semoga setelah ini jalannya selalu dimudahkan dan diberkahi Allah 🙂 Aamiin...

RULE NUMBER 1: DO NOT JUDGE.

• Learn to have self-sustainability. Learn to have contentment over simple things in life. Be compassionate. Aspire to lead a simple rather than a glamorous life.

• Only worry about things that actually matter. Don’t fill up your brain with unnecessary trivia.

• Always strive to be better, rather than the best. After all, Allah did not expect perfection, Allah expected improvement.

• Focus only on impressing your Creator, not people.

• Information diet is necessary once in a while, especially at times when you feel overwhelmed by current problems in hand.

• Discuss everything with your partner and children. Don't let anything go unnoticed, unspoken. When your children throw a tantrum, ask them why. Ask them clearly and let them explain. Don't force them not to talk back (like most parents do), because this in fact is really dangerous. Always make room for your kids to be creative and it’s okay for them (and you!) to make mistakes.

• Don't just sit and wait. Go for the future. Go for anything you want before it’s too late. Go for it.

• Do not ever compare yourself to others, for comparison is the thief of joy.

• Follow the law of least effort. When you attempt to force an outcome, the Universe will only resist.

• Allah knows, and we don't know. When we give ourselves completely to Allah, that means we humble ourselves before Allah. Yes, it's not easy, it's even hard for Musa AS. But always remember that Allah has larger plan, since Allah never makes mistakes. Always pray for contentment over Allah's plan. This is humility that is so profound, that Musa AS even has to travel to learn this.

• Don't fill in too many blanks in your head with your own hypotheses which you don't validate.

• Daydreaming is useless, if not harmful. It does not prepare you for the freewill of those around you. Real life people don't follow the scripts you've created in your head. They don't say the things you would like to hear, they don't make decisions you would like them to make, they don't understand what's going on in your mind just by looking at you. Daydreaming will only bring you down with resentment when reality doesn't match the expectation you've subconsciously set in your perfect fantasy.

This post is mainly a summary of what I've learnt so far after becoming a manager. Yes, I'm a newbie manager. I was offered with the position soon after I finished my master study on 2017. I was confused at first, because I've never had experience of becoming a manager and I felt like I was still too junior. Who am I to be someone leading a team of five, to be the one they will look up to? I can't lie that those insecurities hit me real hard when I finally made the decision to take the offer of becoming Data Lead.

But now, I'm thankful that I made that choice. Being a manager has taught me so much, much more that I could ever gain from sitting in a class, doing any types of assignments (individual or group assignment). I observed different sides of me that I never thought I had before, which turn out to be things I enjoy doing and challenging at the same time.

And this is the summary of what "Being a manager.." means to me. This will be a live document, so any new observations will be added to this page.